I was at a condo on the beach, if you didn't hear. My aunt has some connections so she and my uncle and little cousin came to visit from Kansas and we all stayed at the condo all weekend. It was awesome! So beautiful. It was right on the beach. We had a perfect ocean view. I loved it. I'd just sit near the window or on he balcony and just watch the ocean. The weather was great too. Well, to me. It rained or was cloudy most of the time. I love the rain. A lot.
All in all, I had a great time this past weekend. I already posted the pictures earlier.
So, it's time for me to be honest again. Life's been really hard lately. I know that you are my friends, so I can ask you to pray for me. So, if you could, that would be great. I love you all. For real, a lot.
Anyway, I was reading a book the other night. And the guy was talking about these people he knew who were so cool; they actually believed with all their hearts that God liked them and wanted to be with them. And then it struck me. A question, that is. Do you believe God likes you? And my initial reaction was, no. I didn't believe He did. I mean, He's perfect. He must see even more faults than I do! It was quite a defeating thought, really. I almost cried. I realized, deep down, I didn't really believe He liked me. I mean, of course He loves me, He has to. He loves everyone. But I want Him to like me. As in, like, I want Him to like my personality. And I want Him to just think I'm cool. Not just love me, like me. Do you get what I'm saying? Friends like each other, generally. They think the other is just plain cool. Huh. I need better words. haha
To be continued....
On a somewhat different note, I should share something cool with you that's happened to me. Well, if you don't know already, I have problems with criticizing myself. I usually am focusing on my faults and trying to fix them myself. It's a bad, unhealthy habit I deal with all the time. I usually don't feel very good about myself. That said, I've been in this situation with a friend. It just seems like I'm always hurting them. I've given serious thought to leaving this friend because it seems like no matter how hard I try, I can't stop hurting them. I couldn't do things right. Of course, I didn't leave my friend. I care too much. Anyway, last night, I just went in to my room and lay in the dark. I was talking to God and I just didn't know what to do. I couldn't do anything right. And then I remembered this letter a friend had written to me and he said to ready it when I felt like I couldn't do anything right. So I looked for it and found it and read it. Let me tell you. I was sobbing half way though it. Basically at the part where he said that God knows my heart and my motives and judges me by that. Oh, it was so good to know! He knows I didn't mean to hurt anyone. He knows I avoid it like the plague. I just felt so much better. I was sobbing (tears of joy) and laughing. It was actually quite funny. I just didn't feel guilty anymore. It was so good. I'm still really happy. So from now on, I know that God knows what I mean, He knows where my heart is on a matter. I can't really convey adequately how that feels. haha. :)
Well, I'll let you go. I hope you have a wonderful day. Or night. Whenever you read this. :)
3 comments:
Hey Sariegirl =)
I'm glad your feeling better with God knowing your heart behind your actions- but have you relized it applies not only to them, but how He sees you too? I mean this in the way of God liking you, how He sees yourself and personality.
Sarah Elizabeth, if you messed up every day in sin and mistakes, in all of your faults He would still love and like you like He always has; Like He did when He created you, how He loved and formed you. The sin is what He hates- it tears at Him to watch someone He cares about so much destroy themselves. He loves selflessly, He gave His life for you.
I know what you mean by liking, but remeber that He knows your heart behind every action; and He's lived through everything here on earth. He truly UNDERSTANDS what we're going through down here, because of how He was tempted and suffered. In Hebrews it says He identifies with our pain. When we mess up, He's faithful to us. We just need to come back to Him for forgiveness. We'll never be perfect, but God slowly sanctifies us- mistakes are not a reason for Him anything but completely and passionately liking and loving you.
God treasures you Sarah, He calls the people He loves the "apple of His eye" He's your heavenly Father, and if your earthly dad can look at you, love you with all his heart, like you and pick you up; How much more can your Abba, Father? Your sweet redeemer! If it was just you He had to die for; He would give up EVERYTHING and come and do it. Not for self-rightous faithfulness, but because you mean EVERYTHING to Him.
Its interesting you mentioned how a friend always likes and loves you, your personality and so on; because the Bible at times calls us "friends of God" He knows every intimate feature about you, He looks at you with joy and longing in His heart. You are part of the Church, the bride of Christ. He treasures you so much, more than we could ever dream of. And like I said, He knows your heart- He sees all the good and has a plan for you. He sees more than we sometimes see, that is only the sin and mistakes. Remeber to look on yourself with God's eyes Sarah- eyes of love
Miss you Sariegirl, Have fun with Kasen!
~Josh
You don't understand what I meant. haha
Didn't you mean God liking you like He enjoys a friend? Someone He's close to?
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