11.2.10

I know, I know. I won't go away for so long again, I know. I promise....


Anyways! I hope you enjoyed your Halloween! I know I did! I got to dress up twice :)

An indian! And yes, I have a baby on my back.

Lumberjack :)

I even got my friend to dress up with me!

Yes, he's wearing a fake mullet. That's awesome.

What do ya think? 

******

I Peter 4:8 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins."

Vulnerable: 

— adj
1.	capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt
2.	open to temptation, persuasion, censure, etc
3.	liable or exposed to disease, disaster, etc

Vulnerable. The origin of this word comes from the 1605 word, vulnerabilis, meaning "wounding". That's encouraging, now isn't it? Let's go out and be vulnerable today! I think...over my stone dead body.

For those of us who have loved deeply (and especially those of us who have lost), we know that to love someone, much less love them deeply, causes us to be vulnerable; we practically give them permission to do what they choose with our heart. They are free to take our heart and either treasure it, smash it, throw it back in our faces or to simply hold it. 

Maybe the biggest fear I've ever had is to be vulnerable. It honestly terrifies me and turns my heart to stone in a second. People speak of the fear of snakes or of heights or of their body getting sick, yet I'm honestly not intimidated by the physical. Spiders creep me out but if you want to strike utter terror in me, speak of either transparency, my imperfections, or the worst: vulnerability. It affects nearly every relationship I have in my life; with my friends, my family, even God sometimes. 

Loving fully and deeply scares me so much because it causes me to be at risk of heartbreak. I'm sure you deal or have dealt with this before as well. True and deep love. We are so utterly terrified by the thing that is supposed to sustain us. We've been so broken by others and even by ourselves that love itself is terrifying to us. I know that for myself, I can't even properly receive love I'm so fearful of it. I'm sure I'm not alone in that.

Obviously, there's a problem here! The community of Christ is to be supported by love. How can we do that if we won't touch it with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole? I answer you by saying simply that I have no right answer. Truly. If I could come up with a formula to give, I would take it myself and give it to every person I saw. My journey is similar to yours, though our paths may be different, to find out how to love deeply, how to receive it, and how to overcome fearing vulnerability. 

This I know: Christ’s love is pure and deep. He's made Himself vulnerable to us; His heart is in us whether we choose to treasure it, to smash it, to throw it back in His face or simply to hold it. We are clearly called to do the same. He never promised to shield us from heartbreak (He experiences it every day). In fact, he called us to join Him in His sufferings. But perhaps, even in our vulnerability and deepest heartbreak from someone who didn't treasure our love, could we then learn the cost of love and receive it better? I'm not sure. What do you think?