Usually

Today I'm going to share a very fun story with you about....

How I got my wedding dress!

This story is special to me and showcases just how much the Lord delights in - and loves to provide for - His children, which I myself need reminded of constantly. So sit back and enjoy!

*****

Planning a wedding is expensive. Let me rephrase that. Planning a wedding is free. Dreaming is free. Writing down things is free. Obtaining those dreams is expensive. Usually.

I entered into the wedding planning world seriously. I knew we couldn't afford frivolous things and that it would have to be quite simple (you know how some people do DIY projects for their weddings to be hipster and rustic? I'm doing it because we're just downright poor. Forget being trendy). Little did I know how much even my practical dreaming would be cut down....

I had been looking at thrift stores for my wedding dress for a while, driving to and fro, even wondering if a white prom dress could work. The only one that could be found was this beauty.....

(Funny story: I excitedly texted my fiance a picture of it, saying I had found "the one", just as a joke. He replied: That's great hun! You will look so pretty....but it looks like a prom dress?". Ladies, I found a keeper.)

Having no luck, my mom and I decided to make a day of dress shopping! We would go to lunch on Wednesday and visit shops and we would bond and it would be such a great day. Not.

At lunch, we spoke of all I wanted to do. And then realized most of it was too expensive for our budget. Good start to a day, right? It gets better. First, we went to David's Bridal and told them our budget (they probably thought we were out of our minds). They showed us the very small selection of dresses. Like, three dresses. Which were all ugly. We left and as we sat in the car, we both cried. Reality finally hit us; obtaining those dreams is expensive. All I wanted was to look beautiful on my wedding day and feel like a princess; I had thought that was a given. I then realized I wasn't entitled to that dream. My mom prayed and told me that God would provide. I wondered if He cared at all about my wedding dress. It's not important in the scheme of eternity and there are kids dying on the streets of Uganda (I met them). So I didn't believe her.

She didn't want to give up so fast. After visiting many places that day and finding no luck, we stopped at Ida's Bridal where one of my friends works. She had talked to Ida and she agreed to sell me a dress  for $400 with no alterations, which is an extremely generous offer. And so I got the bridal experience of standing in front of a mirror and feeling beautiful. Here is one I tried on, which wasn't my style but pretty nonetheless:

And here is the other I liked a lot.

I stood there in the lace dress, contemplating what to do. It was a beautiful dress and I would be fine with getting married in it. But I knew the expense. My mom said, "We can make it work", but I knew it was still too much and needed a lot of alteration. They agreed to hold it for us until Saturday.

The next night, my friend came over. I poured out my story to her, feeling so hopeless. Suddenly, thoughtful excitement filled her eyes, "WAIT A SECOND. I just saw this thing on the news for like three seconds....let me think!" And so she used her amazing photographic memory skills, "AHA!". She Googled as fast as her fingers would allow and found what she had seen: Upcycled Weddings, a company to which brides sell their dresses and decorations and Upcycled auctions them off. "Their event is this Saturday!", said me friend (note that this was the last day Ida's could hold my dress).

The night before, I prayed, God, obtaining these dreams is expensive. Yet I know you know the dress for me and that you will provide. But please, please don't let me get my hopes up for nothing....

So on Saturday, my two friends and I drove to the shadiest part of Kansas City, MO to an abandoned-looking building. We rushed to the fourth floor, afraid for our safety. When we entered the room, everything was set up stylishly and professionally. We signed in and went right to the dresses.We found two or three and went to try them on. It was then that I found it. A gorgeous dress which worked perfectly with my (sometimes annoyingly) petite figure. It didn't. Even. Need. Taken. In. Miracle of miracles.

The whole room gushed excitedly about the dress and I checked the price. $230 buy-it-now price. $100 starting bid. In an unusual moment of trusting God, I decided to risk it and only bid, even though someone else could come along and buy-it-now and I had to stay for the whole duration of the event (four hours).

As we waited, we looked at decorations they were selling. Close to my dress. Ready to trip anyone going near it. Every so often, the lady running it would come and make sure we didn't want to just buy-it-now. "No," I said, "we are going to risk it. That's all we can afford to do" and we continued "shopping".

After an hour, she came a final time to make sure and we assured her of our answer. Then she said, "What if I told you I could sell it to you now for $130?".

WHAT.

"YES!"

And so we walked out with a gorgeous dress, worth thousands, perfect for me, for $130. Obtaining dreams is expensive. Usually.

That day, I learned that God truly delights in giving His children good gifts. Even if sometimes, they won't make an eternal difference. He wants to show us that He is giving and very involved in our decisions, whether big or small. A few weeks ago, I was at church and out of the blue, I felt Him whisper, "I loved giving you that dress".

My friend, don't ever say to yourself, "God doesn't care about my situation". He wants to prove Himself to you and He delights in doing so.

If you have a situation right now that seems impossible, remember how much He loves His children.

"Mawwage is What Bwings Us Togethah Today" - Princess Bride

The rumors are true.

You have heard correctly.

Someone's getting married.

And that someone is....

Yours truly. 

Yes, it is true! Just yesterday I was climbing trees, playing in the dirt, and swimming in the rain that filled my ditches and now I'm tying the knot with my amazing soon-to-be husband. Life is fast.

*****

The questions have come pouring in and I anticipate that they will continue, so let's have a little Q & A action, shall we?

Q. In a nutshell, what's your story?

A. Much of mine and Cameron's story, I wrote about here a couple summers ago. Since then, much has happened in our 2.5 years of dating. We did long distance for about a year and a half during it. It made us much stronger, tested our trust for each other, made us grow, and made for several fun trips. Yet it took its toll on us as well and caused a great deal of conflict which I won't post here. Our relationship was rocky and was even over a couple times. Each of us had several issues God needed to work us through which could not have happened had we been dating. We had so much to learn (and still do). The last time we broke up, we didn't know if we would ever be together again. Our relationship was dead. But yet, he still felt God's calling for him to move here. In that season, God redeemed much of what had been lost and mended much of what had been broken. Freedom was brought where there had been spiritual and emotional bondage in each of us. Soon after, we decided to explore a relationship again, having no clue what it would bring. At the beginning of March, things were going well and we went through a time of prayer and fasting about marriage. At the end, we decided to get married!

Q. (The inevitable) How did he do it?

A. To preface, I thought things would move much faster than a month and a half of waiting for him to propose. I half wondered when I said we should get married, if he would pull out a ring and propose on the spot! So needless to say, I got my hopes up several times a week. Every. Time. We saw each other. Soon, my self imposed misery was just exhausting and emotional. I knew we were getting married but it wasn't "official" enough for me to tell anyone! AH! 

Soon, it was our three year anniversary of meeting each other: Tuesday, April 23. Such a special day. And yet, I was in classes all day and Cameron said he had to work all evening. Let me tell you, I tried so hard to be gracious. He's such a hard worker. But I was still sad. And then, my mom had told me for days, "Don't plan on going to [my college-age church group] on Tuesday; Grandma has organized a family get together and it must be important if it's during the week". I like my family, but ugh, I couldn't console myself in the distraction of church or the arms of my friends. That was it for me. The icing on the cake.

Now, it had occurred to me that these were all lies and Cameron would be waiting at my house, surprising me. But my family was being all too convincing, so all doubt left and I ruled the option out entirely.

Thus, I sat in my car crying before walking into class texting Cameron. "I'm sorry! I'm just really emotional, I miss you, I can't see you today, I can't go to church, and I thought such-and-such plan was going to happen but now it's not and that's ok, I know you're planning it and detailed, and it will be great, but this is just hard for me because I can't celebrate with anyone and blah blah blah". Poor guy. He said, "I'm so sorry, I wish that were the plan :(".

And so I trudged through my day. I went to class and then I went to the store and bought several teas because I was especially sorry for myself. I even thought of being defiant and just going to church (funny statement) because I was upset. But I did not! I went home, shuffled inside, walked sullenly to my room, opened my door and...

Oooooh. I stood there shocked as I looked about me.

There were candles everywhere. And a CD player. And three separate stations set up which went chronologically through our relationship: Getting to know each other, our Africa trip, and long-distance dating. Each had various mementos he had kept (he saved everything) and a CD of different songs that were meaningful to us at these times. Upon my desk was a book filled with pictures telling our whole story and his thoughts.

At the end, it told me to bring the CD player and go to a small chapel which I had always wanted to get married in but was too small for our wedding.

So I got all prettied up (hey, I knew what was going on and there would be pictures) and drove like a speed demon down the road. As I pulled up, my friend stood there filming. I got out of my car and walked down the aisle with the CD player. Candles filled the place and there he stood waiting. We hugged and then he did the whole "proposal speech" (he loves me and it would honor him if I would be his wife) and then got down on one knee, asked me to marry him, and....

After several minutes of consideration, I said, "I guess you'll do". Just kidding. I nodded my head repeatedly, maybe causing some brain damage, and said YES.

Then, he put a ring on it, pressed play on the CD player, and we danced.

Yes, the whole thing was filmed :)

Q. Can we see the ring?

A. Of course!

Q. What's the date?

A. Sunday, November 17th, 2013

Q. Do you have your dress?

A. Yes I do. As I said, we knew we were getting married so I started hunting! But no, of course there can be no pictures posted here. Ask me when you see me, unless you're Cameron ;)

Q. Where's the wedding?

A. James P. Davis Hall at Wyandotte County Lake, Kansas City, MO

Q. What are your colors going to be?

A. For those of you wanting to know my colors, style, planning prep, etc, feel free to check out my Pinterest from time to time.

Q. Where's the honeymoon?

A. We're thinking Breckenridge, Colorado.

Q. How many babies?

A. Eight or ten. None of your business.

*****

And that, my friends, is it for the Q & A session. If you have more questions, I would love to answer them! Simply comment and I'll do my best.

God knew what He was doing through our whole story. It has been the most exciting, fun, emotional, scary, enlightening, happiest and hardest time of my life. We went through things I hope to never experience again. But God has truly turned our mourning into dancing. And He has matched me with just the man I needed. Cameron has been so loyal and encouraging. When things got too difficult to bear, he never gave up or stopped fighting for me. When I couldn't stand on my own, he lifted me up in prayer. I understand the love of God more than ever because of the way Cameron loves me. He's my hero.

And I get to be stuck with him. Forever.

Who I Belong To (Part Two)

"....Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them. For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory."

Deuteronomy 20:3-4

*****

(If you have not yet read "Who I Belong To Part One", feel free to head over and check it out so you know what's going on!)

As I was saying....

When I heard the voice of the young woman who was being spiritually oppressed, something inside of me rose up and within that minute, I was driving as fast as I could to where she was, running straight into a war zone I knew of only vaguely (and lest you think I'm boasting in my own strength, I had none of my own to boast of. That was God inside of me). I will not go through the whole story at this time, but no one could doubt that we were dealing with demons. And in that time, a miracle happened: I was not afraid. I looked right into the face of the same kind of forces that had such hold over my life for so long, and there was not an ounce of terror in me. The Lord caused some sort of bravery to be born in me right in those moments. And so we prayed for her and won. The demons trembled and then left. I was happy for the her, yes, but I walked out of that house and for the first time ever, felt victory.

However, that wasn't the end. The battle did not end there, and I did not expect it to. You see, the Enemy of our souls hates it when he has been found out. He despises when the light is turned on, when we fear not, and when we begin to put on the full armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18). And he is persistent.

I battle still at night. In fact, one of my biggest fights was on my way home from a job at 2am a few weeks ago. Total darkness filled the car. In every way. I won't elaborate, but I have never experienced it so tangibly (while I was driving. Totally safe). My first instinct? Fear. But we fight not with our instincts. We fight when we remind our hearts that even demons tremble with fear when we fight with the power of the Lord. So what did I do? I smiled. And then I laughed. And then I said, "I know where you belong, and I know Who I belong to. I'm not afraid". And so I sang. And I prayed. And the whole way home, I thanked God for victory. Even as my knees shook ever so slightly, I remembered Who I belong to and that the Enemy cannot take me away.

(Just a side-note: As I was looking through my past notes tonight from church, I came across a word that God had given me that I had almost forgotten. As I reflected on these times, He said, "I have been working for your victory over fear for years. Beginning with the Shadows". Interesting how in the times we feel utterly and bitterly alone, He is preparing us for a greater, encompassing glory which we would not have previously believed.)

My friend, listen to me. I was controlled by depression, anxiety, and fear. These were the backstory to every thought, every decision, every perception. And they are all lies. We are under the blood of Jesus. He cares for us and nothing can take us from His hand. So, any fear is a lie. My enemies came against me at my weakest times and I pleaded for others to fight where I felt I could not take up my own armor. I therefore allowed myself, even if unknowingly, to be defeated by lies. How dishonoring to the Gospel.

Jesus did not come and die, He did not endure shame, He did not endure the wrath of God and Man so that we could be defeated by the very enemies that are paralyzed by the mention of His name.

"Be strong and courageous...." (Joshua 1:9)

God is good. He would not give us a command and not equip us to carry it out. Through Christ you have victory over your enemies, whether they are pride, lust, fear, or any situation you are thrown into. But you must be willing to pick up your sword and defeat it. I may face adversity that threatens to consume me, but I do not have time to mess around and be overcome. I have a job to do. And so do you.

Your prayers have power. I learned that well in the stories I just told you. So pray and believe it.

God's word is like a lamp (Psalm 119:105). And it's sharper than any sword (Hebrews 4:12). So memorize it and speak it into whatever you face.

The Lord is your defender and He fights also because He loves you (Deuteronomy 1:29-31). So remember you never have to walk through your circumstance by yourself or carry it alone (2 Peter 5:7).

If you are a Christian, you have the power of Christ in you. Never dishonor His sacrifice by hiding under your blankets. He loves you too much.

Who I Belong To (Part One)

"....Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them. For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory."

Deuteronomy 20:3-4

*****

Two and a half years ago was when it all began.

No, I do not remember the first night it happened, but I do remember it endured nearly every night after; nonstop for weeks at a time. Again. And again. And again.

Night after night, as I waited for sleep to come, like clockwork, the shadows in my room would creep. Large figures or things like dark smoke would move across my room. No, I was not dreaming. In fact, it woke me up on countless occasions. It was a very acute reality.

I would see these things and dread filled every part of me, knowing it was happening again; I would shake violently with the most choking and heart wrenching terror. "They" (the shadows, the figures, etc) mocked me, saying they would never leave me alone and no one could save me. Soon they would fade away, but I would lay there crying in silence, longing for the sun to rise so I could sleep.

And thus, I was introduced to - or perhaps more thrown into - spiritual warfare.

I recognized it for what it was right away. I knew by the attacks of fear, panic, and doubt, that this battle came from the spiritual realm. It not only caused me severe sleep deprivation and effected my physical health, but it caused me to be depressed, to walk in complete fear, and most importantly, to doubt and even deny the love of my Father. Why would He allow me to be so severely oppressed? How could He hear my cries and seem to never reach down and fight for me? How could I believe He loved me?

I was oppressed in every sense of the word. And many knew it. I had people pray for me, pray for my room, and pray for courage. I often had to have my mom sleep in my room because I was so terrified. I slept with my light on because the dark struck such an acute fear in my heart. During the day, I was depressed. During the night, I was being spiritually annihilated.

And it lasted for two years. For two years, my friend, I was afraid of what the night held. For two years, I felt I could do nothing but allow myself to be pushed around. For two years, I knew nothing of what it means to have the power of the Living God inside of me; the same power that defeats death and can outshine any darkness.

And in those two years, I had no idea that God was indeed working behind my back and that the nights of my Oppressor were numbered.

The turning point came when I received a call that a young woman was being possessed by a demon. In fact, the young man who called me put her on the phone. When I heard her voice, something inside of me rose up and within that minute, I was driving to where she was.....

(Come back tomorrow with a warm cup of coffee to hear the rest of the story and what the Lord has shown me!)

It's About Time

On Saturday, I posted this picture on Facebook:

It was a picture I doodled in school and had left a few clues inside for you all to guess what my latest big news was. It wasn't all that mysterious or hard to figure out (I'm just attention-seeking at times and like to hear peoples' reactions), but I did get some fun comments. Now let me answer:

No, I am not adopting a baby from Ukraine (unfortunately).....yet.

No, I am not engaged or eloping with Cameron and spending my honeymoon in Ukraine. Though those comments highly amused me.

No, I am not changing light bulbs in town square.

And no, I am not searching for the elusive Singing Butterflies.

(Again, keep in mind there were clues in the picture, the picture in its entirety wasn't a clue)

A few of you, however, nailed it. Congratulations! 

And now for my announcement! After, of course, I preface. Don't you love me?

 **********

Ukraine, located in western Europe, is bordered by Russia, Romania, Moldova, Slovakia, Poland, and Belarus and sits beside the lovely Black Sea. It is a beautiful country that is full of rich culture and is home to approximately 45,706,100 people, 8,000,000 of whom are children. However, of these children, "some 96,000 live in state-run children's institutions such as orphanages..." (UNICEF) and a staggering 88,000, called "social orphans" are left there because they are disabled.

The sad fact is that many times, parents or caretakers simply do not know how to care for a child with special needs, and in some cases, the children are thought to be cursed and are often abandoned (this is seen in countless cultures). In many homes and orphanages, these children are left in their beds for most of their lives as their muscles atrophy, their bones develop deformed, and they are left starving for attention. Many die at a very young age. Mostly because people are not educated on how to care for their children.

As followers of a God who loves the needy and the orphans (whether physically or emotionally orphaned), we must step in and actively fight it; loving them, praying for/with them, and visiting them in their distress. Our urgent concern should be for them, just as the Lord's concern was for us when we were orphaned.

A way to step in and actively fight against these gruesome statistics is to prevent it. One place I know is doing just that. Hope Haven is a nonprofit school for children with disabilities which provides both education and therapy to those with special needs. It officially opened in 2011, is the first of its kind in its region and relies on sponsors from us here in America. It is an amazing opportunity for both child and parent and I believe it is a step in the direction of greatly reducing the number of abandoned disabled children. Coincidentally, it was founded by my boyfriends sweet mother, Amy, who is a physical therapist.and heads up various other projects to help the disabled community.

Which leads me to my news!

All of this is said to give back story to my upcoming trip to Ukraine with Amy and a team of others in early June for about two weeks! The dates are yet to be announced and the cost is approximately $1500 (about half the price of my past Africa trips). We will be staying at the school and working with the children as well as working with a program for street children and visiting a home for babies. It will be a full trip!

Isn't that exciting? I feel like I may burst! I can't wait to start and tell you about this amazing journey!

(Also, check out the new tab called, "The Mission" toward the top of the page, which was created to keep everyone updated on my latest missions endevors, as I am combining my missions blog with All Things Considered.)

For anyone wishing to support me financially, there will be information soon on where exactly to send the money.

For those of you who support me in prayer, please pray for the following:

• That God would prepare our hearts to love the people of Ukraine and minister to their specific needs.
• That He would strengthen us spiritually, as we can expect spiritual warfare any time we are heavily involved in ministry.
• That He would provide for me and my team the finances to go.
• That He would prepare the hearts of the Ukrainians to accept His love.

I cannot thank you all enough!