Who I Belong To (Part One)

"....Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them. For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory."

Deuteronomy 20:3-4

*****

Two and a half years ago was when it all began.

No, I do not remember the first night it happened, but I do remember it endured nearly every night after; nonstop for weeks at a time. Again. And again. And again.

Night after night, as I waited for sleep to come, like clockwork, the shadows in my room would creep. Large figures or things like dark smoke would move across my room. No, I was not dreaming. In fact, it woke me up on countless occasions. It was a very acute reality.

I would see these things and dread filled every part of me, knowing it was happening again; I would shake violently with the most choking and heart wrenching terror. "They" (the shadows, the figures, etc) mocked me, saying they would never leave me alone and no one could save me. Soon they would fade away, but I would lay there crying in silence, longing for the sun to rise so I could sleep.

And thus, I was introduced to - or perhaps more thrown into - spiritual warfare.

I recognized it for what it was right away. I knew by the attacks of fear, panic, and doubt, that this battle came from the spiritual realm. It not only caused me severe sleep deprivation and effected my physical health, but it caused me to be depressed, to walk in complete fear, and most importantly, to doubt and even deny the love of my Father. Why would He allow me to be so severely oppressed? How could He hear my cries and seem to never reach down and fight for me? How could I believe He loved me?

I was oppressed in every sense of the word. And many knew it. I had people pray for me, pray for my room, and pray for courage. I often had to have my mom sleep in my room because I was so terrified. I slept with my light on because the dark struck such an acute fear in my heart. During the day, I was depressed. During the night, I was being spiritually annihilated.

And it lasted for two years. For two years, my friend, I was afraid of what the night held. For two years, I felt I could do nothing but allow myself to be pushed around. For two years, I knew nothing of what it means to have the power of the Living God inside of me; the same power that defeats death and can outshine any darkness.

And in those two years, I had no idea that God was indeed working behind my back and that the nights of my Oppressor were numbered.

The turning point came when I received a call that a young woman was being possessed by a demon. In fact, the young man who called me put her on the phone. When I heard her voice, something inside of me rose up and within that minute, I was driving to where she was.....

(Come back tomorrow with a warm cup of coffee to hear the rest of the story and what the Lord has shown me!)