Rescue

What is going on here?! Two posts in one week? What's the deal? Am I going insane?! Well, I actually have something to say. *gasp* Yes, yes. Please hold your applause. Merchandise will be in the back. ;)

I was just remembering the other day about my life about two summers ago. This was a very hard time in my life. Very dark. It's a long story, but during this times, I felt quite unloved and unneeded and so...not good. I was wishing every day that it'd be over soon. I was having some thoughts of suicide. The pain in my heart was so much, it was sometimes physical. I just wanted to go home; to my real home. Heaven.

I remember sitting at my desk in my room one day and just thinking. I knew nobody needed me. If I was gone, nobody would care, nobody would miss me. I wondered, if I were to finish it, how would I do it? Pills? Where? Crap, I was too afraid of the pain. As I thought these despondent thoughts, a song came on (I was listening to my ipod) and I tuned in. Why, I'll never know. I was so into my own thoughts, I think it was God who pulled me out of them for one moment.  The song was, "Rescue is Coming" by David Crowder. Here are the lyrics:

There’s a darkness in my skin
My cover’s wearing thin, I believe
I’d love to start again, go back to innocent
And never leave

Don’t give up now
A break in the clouds
We could be found
There’s nothing wrong with me
It’s just that I believe things could get better
And there’s nothing wrong with love
I think it’s just enough to believe

Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming
Rescue is coming

And there’s nothing wrong with you
And nothing left to do
But believe something bigger
And there’s nothing wrong with love
I know it’s just enough to believe

Don’t give up now
A break in the clouds
We will be found
Rescue is coming now

I know  for a fact it was God who put that song on. Small act, yes. But the hope from it gave me more of a will to live. Hope for tomorrow, hope for love, hope for a bright future. Don't give up now! Rescue is coming...

In that moment, I knew things wouldn't be easy. But God and I, we will overcome. 

Looking back, I know that those moments were an attack of dark forces, undoubtedly. The devil is real. When he moves, he moves powerfully and subtly; carefully and strategically. But those moments also showed that God is real also. He moves in love and grace; with hope and power. 

Friends, times are hard. There is no doubt. The world is a dark and scary place to be a lot of the time. But the clouds are breaking and and rescue is coming. 

Sometimes, it seems like it would be much easier to give up and be through with it. I know. But I will tell you something. I do not doubt living. I can't begin to tell you how thankful I am to be here. I am so happy.  If I would've ended it, I would've totally messed up God's plan. I have worked through Him and helped people I couldn't have helped from my grave. I just can't put into words how I love Jesus and how He kept me from making the worst mistake of my life...or death.

If you are experiencing thoughts like mine were, don't give up yet. Don't do it. The clouds truly are breaking. Rescue is really coming ...