11. 07.09

Hello! I hope you all are enjoying this lovely fall weather! These temperatures make me so happy. :D

I went to a concert last night it was so fun! It was KJ52. I'd never heard of him - I went because I got in free and all my friends went. haha
He was really good! Not someone I would listen to on a regular basis (He's a rapper, need I say more?), but he's got talent nevertheless. He was so fun.

Can I be honest with you? This week has been really hard. I felt pretty lost and upset. God didn't seem to care or want to intervene in my life. To be frank, I was a little upset with Him (ok, more than a little). For the first time, He seemed to have let me down, and He wasn't supposed to (I know, this sounds silly now that I say it, but you would have to know the whole story). It was so hard because if God Himself let me down, what was going to happen next? If I didn't have God, who did I have? No one. It was so hard.
But, I was cleaning my room the other day and I heard a song come on, talking about how God had always been faithful and always used tough times to bring gain. I thought about it and couldn't remember a time where He hasn't brought good out of something I didn't like and couldn't understand. So, I said, "God, I don't feel like it, but I'm going to trust You anyway. I'm afraid, but I'm going to follow You anyway."
I didn't immediately feel better. I didn't feel brave or anything right away. But throughout the day and after, I felt more trusting and less angry. And now, I'm not even slightly angry with Him. I don't understand a lot of things, but I'm not upset at Him.
My point is, I didn't feel brave and then decide to trust God. I made a decision to trust God and then, I wasn't so afraid.
Often, the strongest decisions are the ones that you didn't feel like making, not the ones that came easy.
Trust isn't a feeling, it's a decision.

Another thing I observed is that if we were gut-honest with ourselves - if we were pushed into a corner and forced to admit it, most of us would admit that we would much rather things not be in God's hands, but in our own. I had to admit that to myself this week. If I'd had the choice I would've much rather had myself be in control of my situation; because I obviously knew best.
I think deep down, that's how most of us have felt when in a tough place. "If only I were in control, I would handle this so much better..."
If only you and I could trust God how we were supposed to.

Well, I have to go, friend! I hope you have a great night and weekend! xoxo