8.28.11

Joshua 1:9

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

This has long been one of my favorite verses. There have been many days where all throughout the day, I would simply repeat it to myself over and over again. Through every internal struggle and every change in season, this verse has, in a way, been my best friend. It's such a simple verse, but the Lord's gentle command stays with me always, even though I'm so often weak and frail.

As I said before, previous to my Uganda trip I was, quite frankly, a mess. Ask anyone close to me. It was a nightmare. Even as Cameron and I said goodbye in the airport an hour before my flight to Africa, I couldn't hold back the tears (and that was supposed to be an exciting time!). As I stood in the security line, I was sobbing and looking very pathetic, feeling utterly and indescribably alone. He could see me from where he stood and texted me, "Be strong and courageous :)". I looked up and gave him a wobbly smile.

Even since Africa, I have much hope, but I am not brave. I'm far from all the things that used to be so easy; far from many whom I love. I do love it here in Kansas but though I was raised here, it's so foreign in a way to me. Foreign and inexplicably intimidating. I often feel very alone and all that God has called me to no longer seems exciting but overwhelming. Terrifying. I know this is where I'm supposed to be for now, but I do not feel like I have what it takes in any area.

This being said, a while back, I was thinking of  Joshua. My first thought when I think of him is that he was unfailingly brave and courageous, as I'm sure you think when you picture him. Then it hit me....

How many times does God tell Joshua to "be strong and courageous"? I counted seven (but I could be wrong). So I wondered, "If Joshua was already so strong and courageous, why does the Lord seem to have to continually remind to be brave? Why would a strong man need to hear something meant for frail hearts?"

Joshua did amazing things for God. But perhaps fear haunted him as much as, or more so than the rest of us. He was right in the position God wanted him, but maybe he struggled with feeling alone and terrified too. Joshua was a man. His courage did not come naturally. He doubted God's presence. But God used him to lead his people and essentially change the world.

This gives me great hope. God's power is not contingent on our own. The degree to which God uses me is much less dependent on my own courage than on my complete abandonment to His will and my stubbornness to pursue it even when I'm petrified.

God's opportunities here for me are vast and I often feel inadequate. But every so often, I hear a still small voice whispering, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go......"